Christians are straight up FREAKS
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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