On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
