i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
