Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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