I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just crazy horny about you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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