he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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