It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
