there's paper in my vomit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
