Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
