Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
