All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
