How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
