His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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