Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
