he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
