Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
