Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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