just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
