Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
