Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
