So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
