i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
