Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
