i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
