i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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