I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
