dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
