Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
