The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
