Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
