I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
