I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
