i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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