i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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