Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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