Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
