3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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