Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
