have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
