Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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