Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
