I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
