Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
