4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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