I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
