I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell her she can't have a vagina
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
