he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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