Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
