I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do herpes really smell.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
