the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
